I'm thankful that I'm not stalked by paparazzi.

          "Human nature is displayed in every word and action. When I do something wrong, I can't honestly say, 'Oh that's not really who I am! I don't do that kind of thing! " Obviously, I am wrong, because I just did do it. It is precisely in these moments of unexpected actions that I really am me. Not a "perfect" me messing up a little, but the real me walking out of the look each of us put on. It is my real heart, acting in human sin (or conversely in the overflow of God). Often, there is more revealed in one unexpected action than in many expected actions together."

         This is an "old" thought from 2008, but I stumbled upon it again today.  I have a shamefully human habit of judging others by their actions, yet measuring  myself by my intentions. It's uncomfortable to remember that others may judge me only by my actions. Even when my actions and words are not what I was intending, they are nonetheless a reflection of my heart. I would do well to examine their source.

        Also, I'm glad that tabloids find me too boring to thoroughly investigate.

                         
“Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” -Søren Kierkegaard
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23 

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Posted in faith, identity

Convenient deafness?

          It’s easy to whine about how much time you waste, but more difficult to understand exactly why you waste it.  In the end, I tend to believe that my time wasting comes down to a few basic causes: 1) I’m lazy. I shirk difficult things in favor of less rewarding but more instantaneous fluff. 2) I care about myself more than God or others. 3) I don’t even know what the goals are/ I find them unpleasant. All three answers are distressing, to say the least. And then you get down into the gritty applications.

          For example, I am aware that spending hours on facebook is considered a waste of time. But is spending hours reading books also a waste of time?  Is sitting around blithely talking to others about absolutely nothing also a waste of time? Is cleaning a waste of time?  When it comes down to it, of course, the answer will always be something along the lines of “Do all to the glory of Christ, and do his will.”  Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily mean that cleaning or facebook are precisely good or evil. I wonder if it’s possible that “wasting time” is really a different concept for each person, depending on what God has called us to. I also wonder if it means that I must always be purposeful at every moment and, if so, what my exact purpose is.

          Of course, it is easier not to know. To know requires one to choose, action or inaction. Maybe this is why we are frequently “unsure” of what God wants us to do? It’s like when a parent calls a child to do some task they’d rather not, and the child shows up dreadfully late, lamely excusing “Oh. I didn't hear you. You’d asked me to do something? Whaaat?”  Not knowing seems to occur astonishingly often when homework and chores are involved. That isn't to say all not knowing is an excuse—sometimes our hearing does fail.  But I wonder if at times my despairing “I don’t knoooowww what God wants me to do” has less to do with being unsure, and more to do with unwillingness.

          I’d like to end this post with some neat, moral nugget or answer, but I don’t have one. This is just one of those thoughts I've been mulling over in my mind and haven’t concluded yet because coming to a decision requires so much brain power, and I generally fall asleep before one is reached.

          (On the other hand, perhaps I just prefer not to know.)

The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening." 1 Samuel 3:10

“The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly.”

“It is so hard to believe because it is so hard to obey.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

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Posted in faith, future, goals, identity