They don't make band aids that big, Honey.

I was having a fairly satisfactory morning. The sun inspired me to stubbornly decide to sleep in long past 6. If it didn't have to get up today, I could wait a bit too. I like storms, my little sister does not. Of course, Bella is walking around with a black eye that refuses to open, a scabby face, and a swollen lip after she face planted on a gravel road Sunday. This puts a considerable damper on life when you are seven. :)

Looks are not everything (or even close) but they do hold strange sway over what we think. On Sunday, Bella tripped on the gravel path and took most of the impact on the side of her face. First I, and then Momma worked on getting all of the gravel and dirt out of the cut (which was no small ordeal). Impatient as usual, Bella instructed us to just "Put a band aid on!" so she could go play with her friend Abigail. Abby's eyes were huge. " I don't think we have band aids that big." So instead we set about trying to figure out how she could keep her cheek a little covered until the blood mostly stopped. Chloe sweetly tried to use pre-wrap around her head, but Bella vetoed this option. To Chloe' credit however, this is not a bad look, if you don't mind being a bit creative. If paired with some Egyptian clothes, it could possibly create a convincing mummy-ish style. Great for costume parties and scaring friends. Not so great for church.

Ivy helpfully suggested using clay and tinfoil to create a half face mask that molds to the face and hides the scabs, but still allows her to see through and eye hole. Phantom of the Opera anyone? Anyone?

Bella's own idea was to simply use bacitracin on the cuts, and then hold up a clean cloth to her face when she needed it. This was my idea too, minus the bandage. When I was seven, I would have left it for all to see, and enjoyed making up all sorts of different stories to tell about how I could possibly have gotten the cut. (fight with lions, mountain climbing, saving someone's life.. etc. the possibilities are great! )

( Picture from before her eye swelled)
But like our opinions on thunderstorms, our opinions on minor wounds are different too. Bella is walking around the house with a washcloth held up in front of half of her face today. There really is not much of a loss anymore, now that her eye has swollen shut and she can't see anyways. However, it keeps her looking as though she was just whacked in the face and is holding up a cloth the stop the bleeding as she runs for an ambulance or something, although she got her face messed up over 2 days ago. The blood has entirely stopped, yet she I guess grew kind of attached to the clean cloths at our house. When we went to out yesterday, the cashier started freaking out about this: " Oh my goodness do you need a bandage? Or some ice?" And Bella simply turned more pink as Dad explained that she got the scrapes 2 days ago, and just holds up the rag because she doesn't want people staring at her face, and likes the cloth. Hm, so much for NOT drawing attention to herself.

When we went to the orchestra last night, Bella changed her course of action, and instead wore a parka with a hood, and also popped her shirt collar. In terms of style and looks, this beat mummy pre-wrap, phantom masks, and cloths (Take note that this is really saying something, because pre-wrap around the head makes a statement). She likes this better (it keeps people from questioning her) although she looks very top secret agent-y, especially when she turns her face to the side so no one can see it and ask. But I guess suspicious is better than conspicuous, at least until she's better.

Until then, I anticipate washing many many collared shirts with the help of a pint sized Sherlock Holmes. I think I will miss her when she starts feeling normal again...

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Posted in family

The dreamer does nothing. Again. :)

Ah mi, the last day of break and I've managed to wait until 5 PM and do absolutely nothing. It's so lovely outside...

But puddle splashing is over, and now I have to get back into the real world of learning great things. I'm severely lacking in thoughts for today, but what can be done about that? It seems like a lovely day for a nap. Still, the Anabaptist and Catholic theologies await the touch of my silver pen... er, black keyboard. And although they've been around several hundred years it seems that they simply can't wait for a Monday morning for their nice 7 page paper. Those theologies... they are known to be a little impatient. I had better go and sate their eagerness to be written.

Hopefully that will keep Dr. Reasoner happy. I don't mind these great Reformation thinkers, but really? Have they no consideration for my spring break? I feel that God would be just as pleased by my delighting in his beautiful trees and puddles as he would in my puzzling through His mysteries.

I suppose that the reverse is true as well though. A little study of God has never hurt me yet.

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Posted in school

Oh my unbelief...

Mark 9:

23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I believe Lord: Help my unbelief!
When we are weak, then He is strong. God honors those who admit that they need him to help them have faith. I am a very cynical, sarcastic person who finds it hard to believe many things. Time and time again, I have had to come back to God and ask forgiveness for doubting that he would do what he says he will. Abraham " Believed God, and he counted it to him as righteousness" ( Gen 15). God has never failed to fulfill his promises. God is not looking for perfect humans, but rather those who are willing to give over their weaknesses to him to be used. The like father of the demon possessed boy, I have to realize that What God asks of me is something I do not have within, rather, it is something that comes from him and will be given if only I ask.

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Posted in verses

'Who we are' does not wait around the river bend.

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Part 1:

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When I was little, I wanted with all of my heart to be a governess. For so long, I adventured with Mary Poppins, Maria Von Trap, Jane Eyre, and Anne Shirley (who although not a governess, was a teacher, and that was practically the same thing.) It seemed a glamorous career, caring for rich people's children, being a sort of mother without having to go near a boy (fyi, boys are gross), and having some sort of adventure in the process. It was the most superb thing to be done with a life.

When I grew out of the 'Governess Phase,' I wanted to be a nun. This was particularly the doing of Mother Theresa, and Sound of Music. My parents had merely told me that nuns were women who devoted their lives to God, forever. Why this was exactly what I wanted to do! I could sit, and think of rescuing governesses, converting people in India, and thwarting Nazi plans for hours.

This dream was crushed in two ways:

First, I was told that you needed to be Catholic to be a nun, and this meant being not a Baptist. I could not fathom this at the time, and later on, as I learned the theological differences I realized that I did not agree with some things taught.

Second, I learned that the Nazis had already been defeated. A crushing blow. I had had their pitiful end all mapped out, and had been planning upon adopting some children from concentration camps. How terrible to learn that those 'children' were now older than my parents, and that I could not help them. Nevertheless, I went on to dream of being an Olympic gold medalist in swimming, an editor, an EMT, a teacher, a homeless person, a historian, a social worker, a missionary, a nurse, a writer, and an actress on Broadway.  

It will come as no surprise to hear that the future has been for me a large, overwhelming thing. Not only has it been put upon a foolish girl to decide what to do (entirely!) next year, but I must choose where, and when, and what. Continue college or no? Where? How much money? How Will that money be provided? What would I study? What would be a good job? What am I good at? What do you want to DO with your life anyways? Life is overwhelming. There are so many options, so many good things, but what is the best?

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Part 2:

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The Truth Project on Sunday was talking about who God is, as the most important thing we can know. One particular line stuck out: When we gaze upon the face of God, we discover not only who God is, but who we are.

*lightbulb moment*

I have been going about this all wrong. Friends talk about going away to "find themselves," as though their identity is floating about on some city street like Peter Pan's shadow. Yet finding a purpose does not come from deep introspection or wild adventures. It comes from knowing God, the one who makes us, gives us our identity, and our passions. And yet, when we gaze upon his face, he also displays his great plan, and the role he has given us in it. We are sinners it is true, but His saints as well.

Who I am in God will not make sense to many people. His Call is one that does not always make sense in the finite, human perspective of NOW, even when I am the one living it. As a favorite book reminds me, 

" It is easier to work or serve God without a visions and without a call because then you are not bothered by what he requires. Common sense, covered by a layer of Christian emotion becomes our Guide. You may be more prosperous and successful from the world's perspective, an may have more leisure time, if you never acknowledge the call of God." (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

In this light, God does not call of to lovely lives which "make sense." Perhaps our lives will to the world appear a complete and utter waste of talent.

But, oh, God does not waste talent. He does not miss chances, or overlook opportunities. When he has my heart and soul completely, the things he does through me are more useful than anything 'I' could ever do. The places he sends me, the people I meet are far from the ordinary life I could or would have chosen to live. The things I suffer are greater, and yet the joy and assurance has a magnitude far beyond anything to which I can even compare. I rest in the peace of knowing that the way I walk is the way he created for his followers: a path the follows the steps of Jesus. It is a life well lived, every day to the fullest, un-wasted.

Who we are does not wait around the river bend. It waits in God. When we know him, when we experience who he is, the person we are, should, and will be is revealed in its inadequacy and in its fullness. It is not a quest that waits until high school graduation, or that goes away after a major is declared, children are born, or a job is secured. It is to be sought every day of our lives. God plans are so much richer than the easy, nice lives we choose for ourselves.

Like a little child wanting to adopt orphans, only to find out they are quite older than she, we may think we will be most useful in one place when in reality we would be quite a lot better off not listening to our own plans. God sees the whole picture, and what we may see as a good, sensible thing may indeed be insensible, and far from best. Do not settle for the 'nice' of a halfway, self -proclaimed life, when God's way stands before you, absolutely extraordinary.

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Posted in books, friends, future, goals, writing